317: Why Food Allergy Safety Must Include Mental Health Awareness

Tracy Stuckrath [00:00:00]:
Foreign. Hi, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Eating at a Meeting. I'm Tracy Stuckrat. I talk a lot about labeling food and managing allergens at events. But what about managing the fear? Today, in this special episode for Food Allergy Awareness week and month, we're going to look at food allergy safety through a different lens, which is mental health. And this may actually also happens to be Mental Health Awareness month. So I have brought to you this wonderful woman, however I do this here. She's Amanda Whitehouse.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:00:41]:
She is a licensed psychologist, a food allergy anxiety and trauma expert, host of the Don't Feed the Fear podcast, and she's a speaker and an advocate. And because of yesterday's show, she is also a food allergy mom. So, Amanda, welcome to the show.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:00:58]:
Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:01:01]:
I'm excited to talk to you too, because it's, this is, this is challenging, managing the fear. And you probably would. I mean, we, and I yesterday did those moms, you're those moms. But there's also those people with dietary needs and you may be, it may be that person who's avoiding gluten because they're just because they're avoiding gluten. But a food allergy and even celiac disease are much different. And what fears do people bring with them to an event? Walking up to a buffet?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:01:35]:
Well, I mean, to be really straightforward with you, a lot of people with a food allergy wouldn't touch a buffet with a 10 foot pole. It depends on their comfort level, their reactivity level and history and what their specific food allergens are. Some are easier to avoid than others. There's a lot more awareness about some than others. So, I mean, the truth is, if it's my kiddo, with the allergies that we manage, we don't do a buffet. We typically would request food from the back. But if they were approaching a buffet, there is such a complicated thought process about cross contact of foods, scanning the environment, scanning what everyone is eating, what's on everyone else's plates, not just what's right there in front of me on the buffet. And what's on the labels, if they're labeled, which obviously is ideal.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:02:18]:
But it's not always very common.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:02:21]:
No, it's not very common. I mean, it is common, but not for the allergen aspect of that. So I mean, okay, so I'm registering for an event and what kind of fear would I be bringing? Like, I mean, is it, I mean, I'm going to Assume that it's a fear that I'm going to have allergic reaction, I could potentially die.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:02:40]:
And it's. So. It's. You're absolutely right. That's the heart of it. And that's what a lot of people, even with food allergies, don't realize. That's always the underlying thing, that the whole underlying worry is I'll have a reaction and I could become seriously ill or die. It's very rare, but it is a reality.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:02:56]:
And people think that, oh, well, if you have a reaction, but, you know, you use your epinephrine and you're okay, then it's not a big deal, you're managing it. But that every time that happens, it's a traumatic event. So when people don't understand the severity of that fear, that's what it is. Every single one of those moments, even though they didn't end in a fatality, the body experienced it as a trauma, which a trauma is anytime we perceive that we are unsafe or in danger of harm or death. So we are bringing, hopefully not too many, but most of us, repeated trauma to literally to the table every time that we eat. And then with an event, there's another layer of how am I appearing socially, if it's a professional event, how do I want to come across and how do I want to present myself to these people? And it's very, very hard to tease out the anxiety when you're trying to present in that way to other people. So I think that that is a really difficult part of events is managing the anxiety while I'm trying to socialize in a certain way.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:03:56]:
Well, and especially adding that to the workplace, I mean, we could say school.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:04:01]:
Right.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:04:01]:
There's anxiety of being at school with that there, whether it's college or elementary school or high school. But there's also the anxiety of being in a business environment.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:04:09]:
Right.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:04:10]:
I mean, you might be with your boss or a new boss, or in trying to land a deal. I mean, whether you're the one with a food allergy and you're trying to close a deal or you're trying or vice versa, that adds a whole nother level of stress to that.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:04:24]:
Absolutely. And on top of that, you have to remember that if someone with food allergies is at that event, it's not just the stress of that and the stress of a reaction. It's also the stress that is heightened from their usual routine, their usual safety zone of the foods that they usually eat or the environments where they usually eat. So it's just layer after layer of being outside of my comfort zone for a lot of different reasons and having to carry all of that going into that social interaction.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:04:54]:
So how do you work with your clients? I mean, you work specifically with food allergy anxiety and trauma. So what does that look like in your clients everyday lives and how do you help them manage that?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:05:07]:
My focus is very specific and targeted on the nervous system. A lot of people have heard now about their vagus nerve and toning, their vagus nerve and vagus nerve regulation or nervous system regulation. It's not just pop psychology TikTok topics, it's very real. And what happens is that vagus nerve is what controls the fight or flight reaction in our bodies, which most people are familiar with that phrase. When we sense that there's danger, we want to establish safety somehow. What comes along with that are a whole host of physiological symptoms that most people can imagine and picture. What it feels like when you're stressed, your heart rate increases, you feel sweaty, your stomach might churn a little bit because your digestive system is shutting down because it's not an emergency to digest your food. When we're in a, in an emergency situation, a lot of the things that can happen when we feel fight or flight symptoms or anxiety symptoms or overlap with what an allergic reaction feels like.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:06:05]:
So it's not just stress, it's not just anxiety, it's that our bodies, our nervous systems have been trained and primed to give that reaction and then when it happens, it feels like an allergic reaction. So it's very difficult for someone to distinguish between them when they're in a state of stress or fear. Is this anxiety or is this an allergic reaction? I think that's one of the key differences in food allergy, anxiety and trauma versus a whole host of other things that people are anxious about.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:06:36]:
Well, Christine Poole was on here on Tuesday and she is a, she is an adult, she's an adult onset pine nut allergy and she's had three different allergic reactions at events with her pine nut allergy and but one of them, and I think she explained this on the event, but she had her allergic reaction at one hotel and she was on the site visit and she went to the hospital all day long with their managing this and getting through it. And then she went to the next hotel, same brand and same client event and she called down because she was feeling very, very anxious and she was uncomfortable about going to sleep and she said she wanted to talk to somebody and they're like. And she was very distraught because nobody communicated to her about her coming to their property, that she had a food allergic reaction and she said she was basically scared to death to go to sleep because she didn't know if she was going to wake up from that allergic reaction.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:07:33]:
Absolutely. And it's so powerful, it's so real the way that it takes over the body and creates very real symptoms. And I think that that is a general misconception of anxiety, is that it's in our heads, but it really is in our bodies. It's very real physiologically. And we, we can't just turn it off. We can't just tell ourselves something in our brain to think a different way about the, oh, I'll be fine, I'll go to sleep. I know that this is anxiety. It's.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:07:58]:
It' very real thing that takes over the body and is difficult to regulate and down, down.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:08:05]:
Yeah, well, and especially when your food, it takes a couple of hours for that allergic reaction and the medicine to get through your system. So if she spent the whole day in the hospital, that's pretty daunting.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:08:17]:
And that if she needed to use epinephrine during the reaction and whatever, whatever other medications they may have given her at the hospital, they may have given her a steroid or an antihistamine on top of it. So those do create a whole host of side effect. Epinephrine gives us that. It's an adrenaline feeling, just like the body's natural adrenaline. So that can linger for quite a while. I know when my son has had a reaction and has had to use medication or gone to the hospital, it really takes a few days to be kind of back to baseline physically, let alone the mental aftermath that happens.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:08:52]:
So what are you said a couple misconceptions in there. But what are some other misconceptions that people have about the mental impact of food allergies?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:09:01]:
I think in terms of recognizing that people have food allergy anxiety, it gets lumped in with other forms of anxiety. Oh, I'm anxious to fly on a plane because I'm afraid that there will be a crash and I'll die. I'm anxious about snakes, I don't want to get bitten. Or I'm anxious about spiders, but they're not things that people encounter on a regular basis. When people have food allergy anxiety, it is about a very real danger that's not exaggerated. It is life threatening and we have to face it every day, not just when we eat. There's food everywhere. All of our life events, social gatherings, obviously almost always involve food.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:09:42]:
So we are not only anxious when we are going on vacation and have to get on the plane, which is a very small risk that we can talk ourselves through because it's extremely unlikely to happen with food allergies. The risk is real. It's there all the time. And it's not just about food. It's about every aspect of our lives, because food is everywhere and necessary for survival.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:10:03]:
Well, and that reminds me. So last summer, I was at an event and a woman sat in my education session, and she shared after the fact on LinkedIn to me in a private message on LinkedIn, she's like, I shared that I had a hazelnut allergy and. And put that in the registration form and everything. And on the last day break, she was looking at some brownies, and she asked the server, hey, do those. Are those hazelnuts and those brownies? And the server's like, no, those are walnuts. And the chef was behind that server and said, no, those are hazelnuts as well. And she said, thank you, chef, for just saving my life. But her message to me was like, now I'm hesitant to shake anyone's hand.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:10:46]:
I'm hesitant to talk, touch any tabletops, because people eat brownies with their fingers, and they probably didn't go and wash their hands after they ate those brownies.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:10:56]:
The crumbs fall everywhere. They're touching light switches and doorknobs and the knob on the bathroom stall. So, yeah, that's the perfect example of how it's not just about what's on my plate that I'm putting in my mouth. We tend to. And it's a natural thing that our body does. We don't choose to. All right, I'm going to be hypervigilant about this. And we do just have to watch everything.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:11:18]:
So what everyone else is eating all around us all the time, we tend to be scanning and noticing we might not be actively anxious in that moment, but we're storing it away. Then when something like that happens, obviously it validates the fear and the possibility, which, again, is. It's a true risk. It's minimal in that case, hopefully with cross contact. But look how close she came to eating it. So it really does. It affects every impact of a gathering or an outing.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:11:47]:
Yeah. The last week, I went to the doctor's office and I was eating some cashews before I went, and I went in and got a wipe from them and said, can I need to go wipe down the handles of the doors? And she's like, that's so nice. And I'm like. Because I am. In the last year, I've been very, very conscientious of that, especially with nuts. Right. And making sure that I'm washing my hands after I eat them and touching anything. So.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:12:10]:
And I think it was triggered from her. I want to make sure that we provide that safe environment.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:12:16]:
I just want to interject. I think that's a great point. And one thing that a lot of people in the food allergy community would love for everybody to know is that it's not just guts. So let's just all not eat and then go touch everything. Right. Let's all wash our hands after we eat, which we should be doing anyway, so that we're not spreading any food or mess around. But people don't think of it in that way. So I'm glad that you're mentioning it.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:12:37]:
Right. Yeah. And. And it is true. I mean, and I'm. I'm actually writing letters to attendees for an event next week, and I'm like, asking them, is your allergy triggered from consumption? Only eating it. Is it from touch or is it from being in the room? And with food being like, maybe flour throwing in the air, which no event's going to be doing that typically. But cooking shellfish, you never know.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:13:01]:
But cooking shellfish could trigger somebody in that room. Yeah.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:13:05]:
Yeah. And I think that means so much to people that you're asking in advance. I think that's a huge step that can be taken because we're planning in advance whether or not we're being asked about it. Our mind is thinking through, well, did I get any information yet? What's on the menu? Who do I probably need to talk to there? So for someone to reach out to us and initiate that conversation, and then the most important part, which it sounds like you're doing, is, is you're listening. So there's. It's one thing to reach out ahead of time, and it would be a good gesture, but not necessarily helpful to say, hey, we heard there's someone in this group that has a peanut allergy. So this is the menu, and here's what we're doing to manage it. That's great, but that what you said is a different level.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:13:45]:
Tell me what's necessary for you to manage.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:13:48]:
Exactly. All right. I just looked over here at Instagram and we've got no gluten. Gabby. Gabby. And invisibly allergic. Zoe. And Zoe has a comment on here.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:13:59]:
They. I'm going to post this real quick. She says, exactly. We can be all allergic to anything. So it's such a good practice to ask if you're wanting to eat. And wiping your hands is such. Is also such a good practice. Yeah.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:14:13]:
Thank you, Zoe. I mean, I don't want to kill you.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:14:16]:
Right. That's. And especially nobody wants to hurt anybody else. And in an event who wants someone to have a problem at their event that they're throwing. Right. That affects everybody. So people should be happy to accommodate, to avoid any kind of disruption to. To the whole thing.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:14:32]:
Can we tell that to all the people on the airplanes that get mad when they.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:14:36]:
Oh, my gosh, how mad would they be if someone has anaphylaxis midair and it's very rare. You want to say that the research shows that it's very rare, but yes, it's. It's a problem and an inconvenience for everybody.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:14:48]:
Right? Yeah, that's an issue. Exactly. Okay, so how can. Besides the letter that I just mentioned, but how can event planners, caterers, and the hospitality professionals. Because it's actually, that's a lot of different steps in that whole process. There's the event planner that's taking the registrations, and then I have to communicate that to the caterers and things. But how can we. Or how do we unknowingly.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:15:12]:
I'm going to start on the negative side of this. How do we unknowingly contribute to food allergy examination anxiety at events?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:15:19]:
I think the worst thing is to have no communication or information ahead of time, because like I said, we will be thinking about it. We'll be planning the whole time. If you can alleviate some of that ahead of time, that will really allow people to go into an event with a much lower level of anxiety. Almost as bad is whether it's ahead of time or at the event, someone initiating a conversation from the perspective of, I've got it, I know you have this allergy, and I know exactly what to do to help manage it. I'm on top of it. As if they are the food allergy expert and not the person who is living with it. Because no matter how much experience you have or training that you've done, we know how our bodies work. We know our history and what affects us and what we are concerned about and what we're not.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:16:06]:
There may be something extravagant that you're doing that isn't necessary for us. Oh, like you said, specific questions about the allergen. Oh, we usually have this hazelnut in our desserts, and so we're eliminating it and we're making this instead. Maybe I'm not allergic to hazelnuts. Maybe it's just cashews and pistachios. So the more information that you have and the more that you can demonstrate that you are listening, not telling us what's going to happen, asking, I think that's the biggest step that can be taken. Everybody wants to feel hurt. They want to know that they have been listened to.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:16:38]:
Yeah, I agree. And I'm going to post this from Suzanne Morell. Thank you for this very important conversation and you're welcome, Suzanne, my friend in D.C. and it's, it is a conversation that we need to understand because for, for so many reasons. And, and we don't think about that mental aspect of it. Right. And we're, some people may be like you said, may be anxious to go on a plane, but then this is something such a higher level. And the emails that I've been getting from people in response to my question is, oh, somebody wrote, my office registered me, I have no food allergies.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:17:17]:
So I'm like, okay, so that's a good thing. But you know, like thank you for taking so and thank you so much in all caps for checking in on this saddest thing when coming to a place in New Orleans, she's allergic to shellfish. And so it's really when you're trying to serve New Orleans based food and that's what you're allergic to, that that kind of makes it okay. Can you explain what emotional safety means in the context of food allergies and why it matters as much as physical safety? You touched on it a little bit, but is there like specifics that you could do on that?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:17:51]:
Yeah, well, I'll add to kind of what I said about safety before. The biggest with this nervous system focus that I have, the biggest safety signal to humans is to be connected to other safe humans. So it goes back to infancy and our caregivers comforting us and keeping us safe that we are wired to feel safe when we're in a trusted community. So anything that's isolating which food allergies can be so isolating detracts from that sense of safety. So in terms of planning an event or a food kind of situation, it's a tricky balance of meeting the needs of and the actual physical safety without isolating and calling attention to that person and setting them aside. So again, like your, your concept of emailing someone ahead of time avoids the need to at the event someone arrives, someone from the staff wandering through the audience to find the person with the food allergy with the tag on their name tag and pull them aside and have to ask them all the questions when everyone else is networking or enjoying and relaxing and socializing.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:18:54]:
Yeah.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:18:55]:
So that, that social belonging, that connection piece is such a big piece of creating that sense of saf knowing that these people care and are showing concern and are not removing me from the experience that the rest of the group is having as a whole.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:19:10]:
And that, that so reminds me of an event that I attended years ago and I nothing I could eat on the buffet or that they were passing and she's like, okay, we'll stay right here and I will go get you something. So I was not. The event was like three rooms full of things and I could not move for I think she took 20, 25 minutes to go get something for me to eat. And so I'm just waiting there like a deer in the headlights or impatiently waiting for people to come up to me thinking I can't leave because this woman's never going to find me again.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:19:46]:
And all that attention being drawn to you and that social awkwardness of am I in the way? Where should I stand and how, where can I go where she'll still see me? Anything that creates that is really dysregulating to the body and anxiety provoking.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:19:59]:
Yeah. All right. Gabby, no gluten. Gabby said driving while listening but wanted to say thank you for touching on this subject. My anxiety is always at an all time high when events, when that, that include meals or food. Yes. And she found out she has celiac during COVID and so she didn't go out for a year and a half. And so like her anxiety was I think elevated even more.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:20:24]:
Trying to learn how to navigate this, you know, as a 20 something year old and new reality in the context.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:20:32]:
Of all of the stress and collective trauma that we were in during that time we had our social contact was removed. All of our coping skills and wellness skills were taken away from us during that time. So my heart goes out to her for that happening during that time. Being diagnosed as an adult is a really different experience too. I just want to acknowledge that it's one thing when you've been managing something your whole life and that's your normal. I'm not saying it's easy but to, to have that thrown at you later in life, which is common. Adults do develop allergies at any point through life. That can be its own very difficult experience because they, they already have a way of existing in the world and have to relearn a lot of that again, not just what they eat, every social interaction and relationships and.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:21:15]:
And work environments and all of those things are impacted.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:21:19]:
Exactly. And. And I had Gabby on the show a couple weeks ago with Kayla, and they both have celiac, but Kayla got diagnosed when she was 8, and Gabby got diagnosed when she was 5 years ago. So, like 22, 23. And so listening to their perspectives of it. And then Gabby shared an experience of going out to dinner with Kayla and what she learned from Kayla, from the questions that she asked and how she approached it with servers. She. She was just blown away by that, and it helped her so much.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:21:51]:
Yeah. When it speaks to the importance of community, I mean, it is really important for people to be having these conversations and connecting with other people because we learn tips and tricks and as food allergy moms are famous and for in our Facebook groups, like, oh, where do you go? And how do you do this? And where do you pack this? And it is so helpful. But again, that's the sense of belonging to is not just the information, but, you know, having other people who get it and to learn right. Is really powerful, too.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:22:17]:
Exactly. So many people. And I'm going to say the people with allergies do this as well, but people that don't have allergies minimize the food allergy fears. How do you validate those feelings while helping your clients build confidence to navigate life more freely? And kind of like with that example of Kayla and Gabby as well, I.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:22:39]:
Think the most important thing, and it's not necessarily the first, but it's not our job to give anyone a medical education or to convince anyone else that our fears are real. So I really encourage people to not waste their emotional energy and their time convincing someone who doesn't believe them that it's real. That's a sign from that person of how to interact with them or from that organization of where is my boundary going to lie with you? Because you have just showed me exactly how much I can trust you and how safe I am with you. So it's not pleasant, but it's clear at least. And. And don't waste your energy convincing them. But as far as validating it to yourself, that's a different story because we do question it and we do doubt ourselves. Am I overreacting again? I think that really comes back to learning our nervous systems intricately and learning our body's signals and recognizing what's happening within us in terms of okay, is, you know, what's my brain telling me? What's my body reacting to this fear I have of this product or this dish, this restaurant, and learning to assess that and know that a little bit of anxiety is normal.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:23:49]:
And when I feel that little bit of anxiety in my body increase, not immediately interpreting that as everything's unsafe or that this is unwarranted. So not to have either extreme, but to know this is normal, let me regulate it. Let me know how my body works and keep this at a regulated level and know that it's helpful in me being careful in making this decision. So when we dismiss things, we're more likely to increase our dysregulation and our stress and then make bad decisions because we're at a more heightened level of stress and anxiety versus acknowledging it and working with it and using it for the good that comes of it, which is to help us be cautious. I always say be careful, not fearful. So there's a middle range level there that's an appropriate level of carefulness, but that's not completely unfounded fear. I think once people develop that trust in themselves, it's really. That's the foundation for managing that balance.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:24:45]:
And then you have the ability to. To walk away. I mean, if you. If you can manage that safely, you can say, okay, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna eat here. I'm gonna walk away or just decline. And I showed the video the other day. I don't know which show it was, but of the woman who went to the Usher concert in the cherries.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:25:07]:
Yes, yes, and the cherries. And she was like, no, I'm allergic. Like, how many times did she have to tell him? But he finally heard her because it was so loud. But it's. It's very encouraging for her for. For everyone to see that she stood up for her allergy. She didn't take it just for the sake of taking it. I'm at an Usher concert.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:25:26]:
I'm gonna do this.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:25:27]:
Because if there's anything ever that would be hard to resist and say no to, it's your favorite, most famous singer offering to feed you. But, yeah. And I loved his response. He took it seriously. He was like, oh, gosh, no. We almost had. I think he said, we almost had an emergency here.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:25:42]:
And he asked, who's got an EpiPen? Yeah.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:25:44]:
Yeah. Thumbs up to him for not making fun of her or making light of it or trying to make joke, because I'm sure it was an uncomfortable moment. It wasn't what he was expecting. All these eyes were on him. So I loved her stepping up and insisting over and over. And then I loved his. His Reaction which is like, that's bad. All right, I'm sorry.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:26:01]:
Exactly. Now how. Okay, so I want to bring in a story from a couple of years ago. I planned this event with my friend Heather. And the gentleman in his 50s had a wheat allergy. And the people at the table were trying to say, okay, no, no, he can't eat that and he can't. The coworkers. And he was just, he got up and left the table and came and sat with us at the staff table.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:26:25]:
And who. And we don't even work for his company, but we were, we were the event staff. I mean, it's mind boggling because that's, and that's a bullying aspect of having a food allergy, in my opinion. And how do we. He, he did, he did the right thing. He got up and walked away.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:26:42]:
It's difficult to do. And it's, it's, it goes back to, like I said, we're not responsible for anyone else's opinions or their feelings. So we are kind of trained socially to not want to be rude, to not, well, that maybe they're just trying to help. If they're offended, too bad. So what, you know. But I think that any insisting, whether it's ill, if it's ill intended, or if it's an attempt to help, that's one of the things I thought of earlier in the conversation. It can make people uncomfortable. It can single them out.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:27:12]:
It draws attention to them when they're already nervous. So even if it's a kind like, oh, no, you can't eat that. No, I think this is good. I. And when people insist and I did this and I, I made this for you, going on and on about it. No, no, it's safe, I swear. It's not helpful. It's.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:27:29]:
It creates anxiety even when, when it's attempted to be helpful.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:27:34]:
Exactly. Okay, so trauma from this, right? I mean, you, if you've had an allergic reaction, and I'll just bring Christine in here, she had an allergic reaction and. But she still has to continue to do work. How do they approach events then? Whether it's in the workplace, eating in the workplace with your co workers, or eating at an event, what role does trauma play in that? And how is I, how can I help minimize that trigger?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:28:01]:
Yeah, the trauma is very real. It's a lot of people, hopefully a lot of people know there's this famous book called the Body Keeps the Score, which is this idea that the trauma lives in the body. So if we think that that's negative and try to suppress it. And, oh, that's so annoying. Like, why do I have this feeling every time I need to go to a meeting? We're working against our body's natural mechanism to protect us and keep us safe. So if we can shift that and work through it and think, gosh, my. My nervous system is working so hard to protect me. It's really sensitive right now.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:28:30]:
It's. It's getting up in arms about things that it didn't used to thanks to this reaction. But it's trying to protect me and to be gentle with that and accepting of that and know, you know, for a while. Maybe I need to approach things this way and down the road, I might be able to step back in this direction and make a change. It's not static. There's no or wrong. You just have to work with where you are in the moment and what that looks like for you. Not when anyone else thinks it should be or insists you should be doing or not doing or what's important for you.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:28:59]:
A lot of people manage allergies by not eating at events like this, and that's not wrong. That's okay. If that's what works for them. People will insist, oh, no, you got to have something. I ate before I came. I've got a snack in the car. This is how I do it. And I'm okay.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:29:13]:
I don't ever want someone to not be able to eat, obviously, but we all have to do it in the way that works best for us, and that's okay. And that will change for each person over time, depending on their experiences.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:29:25]:
Well, and that reminds me of a Facebook post a couple of months ago, too, is like, I'm like, how do you want me? I think I asked the question, how do you want me to handle this? Or how do you want me to feed you? And she's like, I'm going to manage it on my own. One person said, I'm like, no, but I'm here to feed you. I don't want you to. But. But your answer right there, it's like, okay, Tracy, just take that. Just saying, okay, she's going to manage it on her own. And. But what I can do is provide better labeling or provide that menu in advance for them to understand.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:29:59]:
Absolutely. And to offer it and then to accept. Accept their response, accept their decision rather than insisting. Absolutely.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:30:08]:
Exactly. Because we can't. And that way, it's another sense of pushing it on there and bullying in a sense.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:30:13]:
Nobody wants to be pushed about anything. If there's anything that Makes humans feel safe. It's choice, having control through their own choice. And for some people, that's the choice. And that's fine.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:30:24]:
Yeah, that is okay. Thank you for that. I really. That's really important message. Okay, you. You've talked about on your show and things that I've read about the importance of support systems. What does a strong imaginary circle look like for someone managing food allergies? And I want to point out too, that there was a planner up in Canada years ago that said in a presentation she was giving on the same topic is that she always makes sure that she finds a friend that she knows at the event that knows that she has that nut allergy as well as celiac. So in case she can't speak for herself, that person is the person to do that.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:31:03]:
So is that kind of the same kind of concept of that?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:31:06]:
Absolutely. And it can be so many different things. It can be the foundation of that is feeling like we are not alone, feeling that we are supported. Sometimes it's real life people that we know, and sometimes that's not available. Depending on the circumstance. I might not have a friend at that event, but I talk about this idea of an imaginary circle because when we find ourselves longing for, oh, gosh, I wish I had a buddy at this conference who had food allergies too. We might not be able to make it happen, but that feeling of, oh, I sure wish someone was in my life who could do this for me is a clue to us to create that somehow. And it may not be in real life, but we can also then channel those people when they're not with us.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:31:46]:
We can step into their mindset. And that's when I talk about imagining. It's like, I don't know Maya Angelou, but I can certainly say some of her very reassuring and wise quotes to myself when I'm having a hard time and think of how someone might view something. So when it comes to food allergies, a lot of people that I know, their mothers were the ones who really did a lot of the management and made them feel safe. So sometimes they'll call their mom when they're at an event. They'll sneak away to the bathroom. Sometimes they don't have to do that, but they can remember their mom saying to them, well, let's go through this checklist. Are you having a reaction? Are two systems involved? This is when we know and they can have that person and that support with them, even if it's not physically available at the time.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:32:30]:
I love that because it's it's, it's also, I think what you said earlier too is giving you more confidence in yourself as well and how to handle that and talking through those things, whether if it's a real person or you look like you're talking to yourself, I mean, that's okay. Your imaginary friend who's protecting you. Yeah, absolutely.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:32:50]:
And most of us have learned by adulthood to do that discreetly. But if not, that's okay too.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:32:54]:
But.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:32:54]:
Right. And you hit the nail on the head. It's about trusting people and ultimately feeling like, I can take care of this. I've got it myself, I know what to do. And part of that is knowing who to reach out to. Is this a, is this a check with my neighbor type of situation or is this a call911 situation? And either way, I know the right person to reach out to, to take care of myself.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:33:18]:
So what are some practical and immediate things that I, as a meeting planner and my food service partners can do to help guests feel more emotionally supported when eating at an event? Yeah, I mean, we've talked about labeling and whatever, but, you know, how can I help them without pushing?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:33:36]:
I think as we said before, anything that can be done in advance, asked, listened to and respected and any amount of information that you can give. So even if they say I'm not going to eat there, I respect that. Let me know if there's anything I can do to accommodate you. Here's what's going to be on the menu, just so you'll know. That kind of information allows us to provide, prepare and like I said, feel like we have a little bit more control over the situation at events. I think being, making it visible and audible in, in talks that are given, however, you know, the information about the food and meals is presented to make it clear that we understand and you can come and ask us questions to lay that information out there without singling anybody out. One of the things that I hate the most a don't do is if someone, you know, has a food allergy at your event for servers or whoever might be delivering food to come over and say, I've got my peanut allergies at T12, you know, and we're all grown ups and we're pretty tough sometimes. But I'm a person, I'm not the peanut allergy at table 12.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:34:35]:
So those kinds of things again are well intended. Just, you know, making sure the right person gets the right dish. Find respectful ways to do that as much as possible that are discreet, that don't call people out again. They're. They're often under all of these social pressures. Nobody wants extra attention drawn to them or to be set aside.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:34:54]:
Yeah. And one thing would be like meal cards. Right. These are ones that I design and like, so I can hand this to a server and, and so that, and I have. My cards are written in English and Spanish and so they can hand it to them discreetly and saying, hey, can you please go get me a meal that's vegan or soy. Soy allergy or whatever. And they're not like having to stand in one corner or raise their hand. Yeah.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:35:18]:
Or give a speech to the server at the table in front of everybody. Or to have to ask the chef and the chef comes out or you have to go into the back. I love, I love allergy food allergy cards. Absolutely. That's a great way to do it in lots of settings.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:35:33]:
Well. And Shandy Chernow from oh my gosh, now I'm going to forget her name. Our company, certestar, her platform she created because she's got a shellfish allergy and a couple of other ones as well. But she would go to the restaurants like 15 minutes, 30 minutes beforehand and talk to them about the food because she didn't want that conversation to be had in front of her co workers or her clients and make sure that they under that server. She wanted to know what table she was sitting at, what server she was going to have. So that conversation was private between her and them and did not interfere with that conversation.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:36:12]:
And that's such a good example of all of these coping skills that people with food allergies use that people might never see or understand that they're doing. And that's great because it reduces the level of stress and chaos around. So it probably makes the conversation more effective because everyone involved is listening. But I do just want to validate too, for people listening. I. We're talking about how people feel and what they don't want to do. But I also just want to make sure it's okay. Make as big of a fuss and a stink as you need to about explaining and making sure that everyone understands.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:36:43]:
No, I'm not saying that you shouldn't do that or that's bad or any negative connotation about doing it. Just trying to acknowledge that it's not comfortable for a lot of people. But if that's your style, I love it. I'm saying all of these things, yet I'm encouraging my teenager speak up anywhere, everywhere. Who cares, you know, what people think or if it Slows things down. You deserve that chance to make sure that you're safe just like everybody else who's there.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:37:08]:
Yeah. Okay, so on that note, because you just mentioned your teenager. I mean, we talked about this before we got on the show. I'm like, how do you. And I asked Jessica and Colleen yesterday, too, about their kids who 4, 8, 21, and yours is 13, and then Christine, who's in her 40s or 50s. How do you. That level of managing and advocating for yourself is different in all different age groups, or is it the same?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:37:35]:
It's the same. And it's different because it's the same, because it's always, always, always carrier epinephrine. And don't hesitate to use it. Right. No matter what. I mean, that part is the, that's the tried and true applies to everyone. But yeah, really, it's different at different ages. And it's not just as far as children growing up.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:37:54]:
How responsible can they be? How. What are their communication skills? There is that emotional component, too. So when we were talking earlier, I was saying with therapeutic clients that I work with in general, but this applies to food allergies specifically. When kids hit their teenage years, there is a huge emotional shift. We all know this for lots of reasons. All the hormones and the developmental changes that they're going through, there may be things that are difficult for them to do, but they're not anymore because they lack the skill to do it. There are new emotional experiences and identity development pieces to what's going on. So my teenager may obviously does have the verbal skills to express something and had no problem doing it when he was 10 or 11.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:38:38]:
But now he's out at the ice cream shop with his friends, not with his mom and dad and his little brothers. That's a different situation. That's not just the skill. And that applies all through adulthood. Maybe adults went through life and they were fine when they were in one job setting. And then things change and now they're in a different social environment. There might be a different vibe or a different setup with their office. And again, I think it does go back to just wherever you're at, that's where you're at right now.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:39:04]:
And that might change. But just being aware and acknowledging it, rather than trying to plow through with like, I'm certainly not going to say like, well, he knows what to do. I'll send him. I'm going to give him the support and help him acknowledge, like, okay, it feels a little different now. What can we do that's different? At this point in time, that works for where we're at right now.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:39:24]:
Okay. Being a psychologist and being a mom of a food allergy kid, those two things, how do you turn one off? And, I mean, they're kind of the same, but you, at the same time, you can't be both.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:39:37]:
I can't. And it's so hard. Any therapist will say this. It's just so different when it comes to your own kids. And the reason is that it's. My emotions are involved when it's clients. It's not that I don't care about them, I certainly do, but I don't feel the level of responsibility and I'm not as connected to them and triggered by what's going on with them. So, I mean, really what it comes down to is I have to practice what I preach and I have to regulate my own nervous system and keep myself in a good spot, so.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:40:02]:
So that I can do what I know is the most helpful or a helpful thing to do, not what my own anxiety and stress kind of do out of their own reactivity. It's a tough balance.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:40:14]:
Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure. Okay, so you're. I mentioned at the very beginning you're the host of Don't Feed the Fear. What are some of the most powerful takeaways you've had from your podcast conversation so far with your guests?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:40:27]:
Oh, I've had so many amazing people on the show, and honestly, the biggest takeaway is that the food allergy community is amazing. I've been doing this work for 12, 13 years now in my private practice, but only started the podcast last summer. Nobody in the community knew who I was, and I can't believe how eager everyone that I've reached out to is to do whatever they can to help each other, to share information, make themselves available. And I think that's important for people to know because you don't have to have a podcast to reach out to someone and say, hey, we're interested in talking to you about this, or people want to help each other, and I think we feel so connected from this shared experience and perspective.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:41:08]:
Right.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:41:09]:
That's been really powerful for me. Not as. I don't know if that was your question, because it's not a specific thing that I've learned, but I've been just so amazed. And really, I feel more positive and safer and more encouraged and optimistic because of having those connections rather than being in my office all alone, seeing my clients and dealing with my kiddo, but at reaching outside of that well, and.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:41:30]:
I think it goes to the same thing that yesterday when I was telling Colleen and. And Jessica, you're those moms. And Colleen's like, I like being that mom because that is who I am, and I want to make sure my kid is safe. And. And the fact that the way that they approach their event planning experiences as moms who are event planners, I said to them, you've got tenacity. You've got this, like, respect of those people as well as the, like, Inspector Gadget kind of skill set to find the right solutions.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:42:06]:
Absolutely. And I think I've said this often. It's nothing that I would wish on anyone. I would. I tell my son, I would just pull that allergy right out of your body if I could and take it into mine. Absolutely. But it's made him. And it's made me into the best person that I could be.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:42:24]:
Like, absolutely. As a mom, this is the best version of a mother that I could have been, you know, learned through taking care of him. And I have two other kids who don't have food allergies. And it's not all about food allergies all the time in my house. But the skills that I have learned and the connection that has developed and the trust between us, I think really is special. And I am. I'm thankful for it, even though it's a challenge, but everyone has their challenges, and so we know how to manage ours. We can take it.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:42:51]:
I'm thankful for it.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:42:52]:
I like that you said that, because I. One of the things that people with food allergies get this special plate, and I'm like, I don't like that term, the special plate, because we're all special. Like, I want to say that you're getting a personalized plate because that's catered to you because you have a dietary need of some sort. And it's not special because we all are special in some sort of fashion.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:43:14]:
You're special just like everybody else.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:43:17]:
Exactly. Okay. So, yeah. Okay. If you could tell. Leave every event planner with one message during food Allergy awareness week and month, Mental health awareness month, what would it be?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:43:29]:
Just listen. Please listen. We. We know. Trust us. We are the experts. We know. So listen to our responses and give us a chance to accept.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:43:38]:
Explain.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:43:39]:
All right. That's awesome. Okay. Can we do five really quick rapid fire questions?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:43:43]:
Go for it.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:43:44]:
All right. What's the biggest myth about food allergy anxiety? That doesn't sound like a rapid fire question.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:43:50]:
That's okay. I would. I'm not a Short winded person, but I'll try. I think people from the outside confuse me being safe and taking care of my food allergy appropriately as anxiety. There is anxiety, but everything that I do to ensure it is not just anxiety, it's necessary.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:44:07]:
Okay, what's one phrase you wish people would stop saying about food allergies?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:44:11]:
Oh, what I said earlier. Calling people. That's the food allergy kid. That's the peanut kid. She's the celiac. Don't say that, please. Please don't say that.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:44:22]:
One small action that makes a big impact for food allergic guests.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:44:27]:
Asking and then accepting the response.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:44:31]:
Okay.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:44:32]:
In advance.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:44:33]:
In advance. Okay. Yeah, when possible. Exactly. A go to grounding technique that you teach most often.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:44:41]:
Oh, okay. So this might sound out there to people who don't know about polyvagal theory and nervous system stuff, but it's called somatic shaking. So you think of like a dog when they get up off the floor and they're kind of changing gears or before they snuggle in and their whole body shakes. It's a very natural thing for all mammals to release stress and kind of change gears for our nervous system. So you can put music on, you can shake. You can. Yeah, anything. But.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:45:06]:
But shaking and just moving the body, there's no right or wrong way to do it is the best reset.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:45:12]:
Wow. That. I'm going to use that myself. That's awesome.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:45:16]:
It's not the most socially appropriate coping skill, but you can go in the bathroom and just have a little shake it out. Whatever way you're. Whatever way your body needs to move to release again. The stress is in the body, so move it to get it out.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:45:28]:
All right. That reminds me of Ally McBeal. You know, she used to go into the bathroom.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:45:32]:
I never watched that one. Oh, you have.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:45:35]:
Oh, my gosh. Okay. Yeah, it's Calista Flockhart. A long time ago. Yeah, she used to go to the bathroom and dance.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:45:41]:
Oh, dancing works. Yeah, it doesn't have to be just wild shaking, but move your body.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:45:46]:
Okay, good. And finally, if you could put one sign in every kitchen, what would it say?

Amanda Whitehouse [00:45:53]:
Everyone deserves a seat. Everybody wants to be at the table.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:45:57]:
Okay, awesome.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:45:58]:
That's a long.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:46:00]:
No, that's. No, it's. Everybody deserves a seat. I appre. That is so true. All right, so Amanda Every. Here's Amanda's LinkedIn profile. Amanda.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:46:10]:
She's got her maiden name in there as well. So if you find her on LinkedIn, check her out. Anything you want to leave the last message.

Amanda Whitehouse [00:46:18]:
I just appreciate these conversations that you're having so much. I think it's really important. I think that community awareness from the general public, not just the food allergy community, is spreading and growing. So let's all continue to have these conversations to help everybody be aware so we can just take care of everybody.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:46:34]:
Thank you, Amanda. We just need to take care of each other. Yeah. I sound like Lester Holt. Closing out for the evening, everybody. This has been Food Allergy Awareness Week. Amanda, thank you so much for closing it out for me. I am headed to the beach, so I will not be here tomorrow.

Tracy Stuckrath [00:46:49]:
Yay. I'm going to do some soul searching there, but next week I'll be back with two different episodes, so stay tuned for that. And until then, stay safe and eat well. Thanks for listening to the Eating at a Meeting podcast where every meal matters. I'm Tracy Stuckrath, your food and beverage inclusion expert. Call me and let's get started right now on creating safe and inclusive food and beverage experiences for your customers, your employees, and your communities. Share the podcast with your friends and colleagues at our Eating at a Meeting Facebook page and on all podcast platforms. To learn more about me and receive valuable information, go to tracystuckrath.com and if you'd like more information on how to feed engagement, nourishment, inclusion and bolster your bottom line, then visit eating@ameeting.com.